a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
