It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
