There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
