We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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