just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh god the rape fog is back!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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