Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
