and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
