Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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