Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
