It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
