Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
