I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
