I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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