Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
