fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize