i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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