they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
