You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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