If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
