She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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