he wants to bone in the snuggie
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
