i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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