You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
