Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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