Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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