IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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