every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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