I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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