A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize