It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
