I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
