I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
