I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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