so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
