if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
