The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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