Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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