my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize