Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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