I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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