i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
