Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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