I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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