The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
