R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What a fucking waste of an outfit
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
