singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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