it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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