Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
