pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
