Betty ford says i'm here all night
it hurts more in the daytime
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
