her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
