five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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