Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
