at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
