How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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