How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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