This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
