You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
