I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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