Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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