so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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