she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
