Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
