he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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