She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
