In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
