Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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