Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
