If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
