I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
