I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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